Our #2 daughter turned 10 a few days ago. Wow. Ten years. You know, when I was a younger I believed that as long as I "got my act together" before the children turned 5, that it'd be okay. Somehow, the mistakes I made would be "acceptable" as long as I was done making them before they turned 5. Then Daughter #1 turned 5. Then Daughter #2 turned 5. Then Daughter #3, and in just two months, Daughter #4 will cross that threshhold. And you know what? I still don't have my act together. I still struggle daily with trying to be the mother they need and God has called me to be. But God still believes in me, and He's still teaching me.
Back in June, Daughter #3 had a birthday, six months after we moved here on this great God adventure. And by that time it had completely sunk in that things were going to be different than we thought they'd be. We were poorer than I ever remember being. Every morning I woke up wondering if there would be food to feed the children that day. And on top of all that, there came this birthday.
Birthdays in our "old" life were magnificent affairs filled with homemade carnivals, pumpkin coaches, princes in tuxedos, handmade dog houses, and glorious, glittering cakes. They were the result of days of labor and not a little bit of money. But it was okay. Celebrations are really important to our family, and it was an investment we were always willing to make. We were still willing this year, but we were far from able.
Daughter #3 wanted an author's party. I found instructions for a book cake online, and we tried to come up with some inexpensive ideas for activities and favors. But my heart was far from being "in" this celebration. Instead of being all about celebrating the day of my daughter's birth, it became an outlet for my sadness and disillusionment about how different my life was now. I never could pull myself out of this tailspin, and Daughter's birthday went by without a present from us or a party for her and her friends. Just emptiness.
But it is thankfully not God's way to leave us in our emptiness, or our self-pity, or our indecision and inaction. He picks us up, dusts us off, and leads us down a path of growth and refinement that is His alone.
Daughter #2 had her birthday last week. And while we couldn't throw her an elaborate party, we crowned her "Queen for a Day," and we allowed her to choose the meals and the activities for the day. We opened presents at midday. There were the exciting, high-impact ones from her uncle and grandparents -- a new bike and an Irish dancing costume for her doll. But beneath the glamorous, sparkling gifts were those from her own family -- a handmade doll outfit from one sister and a bracelet another sister had made. Gabe's gift was plans he had drawn for a doll bed, and the promise that they would build it together. Mine was there too -- a shirt and pants for her special doll stitched lovingly by me. We could not give her a bicycle or a store-bought outfit for her birthday. But we could give her our love and our time. And that's exactly what we did.
It was a lovely birthday...one that warm memories are made from. And although Daughter #2 was the one who turned 10 that day, I have to believe that I'm the one who grew up that day.
And I'm already planning Daughter #3's Half birthday celebration.
